Marriage

Mates or Maids

I took my phone and dialed one number on my phonebook which I had been doing since yesterday, still no answer. I got bit fed up because I don’t know what is happening and I couldn’t find out.

It was my best friends number, I and she are running business together and she handles the financial while my job is doing promotion and making orders, I needed to order some goods but I couldn’t do anything because she keeps the money with her. She said would transfer the money on Wednesday but till Friday no any news from her. My worried become bigger when I saw her last seen in WA was about 5 days ago. May Allah protects her.

I was afraid because she is easily gets sick, taking care of 3 babies plus a “husband baby” is not an easy tasks while at the same time doing domestic affairs. Several times she got sick because too tired handling mom’s job and doing housework like maid at her mother in law’s house,everyday from morning she does the housework till she close her eyes at night, most of her night she is awake because of her 4 months baby, subhanallah. I feel very bad that couldn’t help her much, sometimes she cried because her situation, not because she isn’t happy as mom and wife but because too much pressures from husband and her husband’s family. She feels that she is responsible for everything at house from laundry to cook, everything.

I completely realize that marriage isn’t only about happiness, sometimes it gives us thunders and strong waves to test the marriage, whether we can pass it or not. But what if the thunders come from the husband himself, which has too much arrogant that divided tasks between spouse and feel shame supporting wife to finish the houseworks.

Marriage in islam is cooperating between spouse to worship Allah, to work together to built family with strong bond to Allah, not to make a wife like servant and give free service for the husband’s family from morning to night. Even maids are paid. What is husband if he cant take care the wife, what if a husband if he just make her life more difficult. Even to enjoy for herself she cant, my best friend has lost her life since she is married, that’s what I see when we met last time.

it is not once she cried because of her marriage, sometimes she cried because too tired at house, sometimes because of financial, sometimes because her husband attitude. Had one time she complained that she didn’t have nothing to buy while her kids cried for food, her husband had money but didn’t like to give it to her, what a crazy man. She isn’t a type of a woman that complains for everything but that time I knew that it was too big for her, thing in her shoulders.

Marriage for me is about killing your ego and selfishness for goodness in family, to listen each other, encouraging each other not to give command and the other one must follow, being a partner is about to discuss, to complete each other and to understand, isn’t like Boss and employer. To feel happy and relax to each other is essential to make marriage lives longer and it only can be reach by listening to each other what they wish for themselves. For their marriages. I may not married yet and I dont know what is marriage has keep for me until I experience it myself but what I know is, finding right partner in marriage is the first thing I must do before take it further step.

Dear sister, how could you suggest me for marriage while I see that your marriage is a something terrible for me?

Allahu’alam.

18 August

21.15Pm with rain.

Marriage

Choose Your Spouse Wisely

When I was teenager, I always dreamed to have a sexy tan guy with perfect smile to be my husband. Although I didn’t wish to have a marriage in young age but imagining to have that kind of guy would give me happy marriage, Deen and manners were on my last lists.

Time goes by, I got many experiences in my life, about relationship, life’s goal, loyalty, etc. Appearance realized me that it’s nothing without Akhlaq /manners.  As I realize that the aim for marriage is to worship Allah so it’s more than about  eye’s pleasure then.

There is no difference between man and woman in finding partner in Islam, Deen is over than anything but for me to find good husband isn’t only seek his Deen but also his manners, many muslim guys know about Deen but too bad it’s rare to find those who applies  it in real world. No wonder domestic violences, affair or dissatisfied between spouse  happen in muslim marriages because islam is just like status in their ID Card.

One thing which I  look for my marriage is a good husband with good manner. It’s simple but isn’t easy. I am not looking for the perfect one, but it seems likes very complicated for some of my friends. They think to get right spouse, all I need is the one who is settled in finance, has good job, sweet mother in law and also has some properties so when marriage happen we don’t think hard about our live and standing by our own foot. Everybody has their own wishes about their future marriage but since I understand that spouse isn’t only my partner in this world, choosing  the one with  Imaan dan manners as my priorities.

My spouse will be my field to get jannah, I believe that me is my husband’s deen, I can’t let my imaan destroy by choosing wrong partner just because his appearance or his degree, it’s a risky bargaining. Had many couples from relatives and friends failed in marriage because their intention were wrong, some getting married for wealth, positions, relatives, or maybe they feel ashamed living alone without husband because they are getting old.

Reasons can’t make a reason to get married with anyone. Be careful, marriage isn’t for years but its lasting to Jannah. Choose wisely your spouse, choose a good man/ woman with akhlak and love Islam by act then insyaAllah you will be most happiest one in the world but first off, fix yourself first, firm in your Deen, and pray to Allah. So, May Allah gives you Best partner for you, Aamiin.